For a time, I found my spirit in bottles. The potion brought me alive transforming me in to a lover of life. My love of dance would reignite and I would feel like a little girl dancing in circles again. The liquor allowed my walls to fall down and let people approach me. Encouraged by the liquid in a tiny glass, I became a spectacle, and less aware of myself. The constant paranoia of what everyone thought disappeared and my inhibitions were countered. Everyone was a friend and food was a holy grail. The little green fairy on my shoulder always egging me on to go one step further: kiss one more boy, have another shot, dance on to a higher table. People were interested in me but not the real me, the me brought out after too many bombs that exploded inside me. An energy rush like no other and we called it a party. A celebration of life. But for me, it was a celebration of everything I had become, how far I was from those who made my days hell. Little did I know, the alcohol could too.
Another shift, another receipt.It’s been a tough month and my heart has hurt over loss of two people that influenced my life. Although it is not broken, but only wounded.
They call it heartbroken but I don’t get it. My heart is not broken, but wounded to its core. It will take a while but this wound will gradually heal and become a scar. My heart is not broken because it will love again and more fiercely than ever because it has learnt that we don’t have an infinite amount of time. So it will love hard and unapologetically but nothing will ever cover its scars but the opening in those wounds will let out more love which will flow freely.
Tonight, the sky looked so beautiful, the moon and the stars so clear. Her camera wouldn’t capture the sharpness of the shapes as they shone. Therefore, her huge smile and perfect moment of content remained just another secret between her and the universe
And as they become just another once upon a time, a new fairytale begins. Maybe this time he will stay a prince, never becoming a frog and she will remain a beauty in a ballgown never dressed in rags. The clock will not strike midnight and his kiss will always be enough to awaken her soul in their happily ever after.
I got so worried about you he said because you are your own force, full speed and you infect everyone with your wind.
But for a time in those hot, sunny months you didn’t. You were sad, I could see it in your eyes. You had gone from having huge things to accomplish each day to almost nothing and that did not suit you. You were waiting and relying so heavily on little things to pull you through getting your hopes up with every light breeze and relying on attention from others to get you through a day.
You are a tornado, alive and gusty but you were acting like a lone cloud not even the heavens could open.
You were like the sky to me, infinite and full of wonder. A little stormy sometimes but I always wanted to be your calm sea, gently reflecting on to you on those days. You had more stars in you than could ever be counted, more sparkle than could ever be quantified. There were so many corners to your world, it would have taken all my years to explore them. You encompassed the moon and the sun and many worlds reasoning your wisdom. Stretching from land to land, you had no limits and neither did my admiration for you, for you were always above me and someone to look up to. The thing about skies though is they always change, and I was just a phase of a moon in your sky or a bird finding a temporary home in you letting you carry me to wherever the wind blew.
Deadweight.When my mind takes the strength from my body, hold me
Wrap yourself around me so tightly that some of your strength may transpire.
Carry my deadweight just until I am strong again.
I’ll try not to let it take too long, just wait with me.
Whisper to me, shout to me, sing to me.
Just distract me and make me feel safe for a bit
Press yourself against me, make me feel something other than this weakness that consumes me.