She’s your ex for a reason, I remember you calling her boring, she wants a life right here but you need to go exploring.
So please don’t settle friend, You weren’t convinced at the beginning or end, you weren’t destined to blend, your heart just needs to completely mend.
You put a ring on her finger, didn’t tell me till two weeks later when it all fell through, bookings were all complete, even the venue.
I’m not calling her simple, you describe her as if she’s a pimple, non-descript and just about tolerating, what about all the shouting?
There’s a girl out there complicated and maybe that one is already fated, you’ll realise you should have waited.
You spend your days in a haze, can’t even tell me how she likes to spend her Sundays. You aren’t sure if she even likes your funny little ways.
You always thought she was a little young and naive. She’s not fought battles but wears her heart on her sleeve. You know it’s security but there’s no purity.
Please don’t settle friend, there will be one for you at the end, she may be a bit delayed and maybe it will be up in the air. But if you wait up late, she’ll go with you upstate.
I lose something every time I cross you: my breath, my ability to speak, my balance, even the thought of you has me crashing around and spilling things and being more careless particularly about my heart.
People do not come in to our lives as blank canvases, I think that is why we adore babies so much, for there are no marks are upon them, nothing has influenced them yet.
But everyone you meet however significant you become to them has had a life lived before you and without you. They have been marked by disaster and shaped by victory, they have had tears in their eyes and blood spilt but they have also had their dreams come true and moments where they felt invincible.
So we are all human, all tarnished by this very same thing called life. It is a beautiful thing, just to feel alive and these moments of purity. Some have more scars upon their soul than others but it is not a competition and there are stories behind why people are the way they are. Remember this and just know that we have all been burnt, scratched and scathed so be kind with your words, show love in your actions, stand up for what you believe in, for one day, we will all be dust, then there will be no difference at all between us. We all bleed red, we all have a heart that beats and lungs that breathe and that should be enough for you to acknowledge that everyone deserves equality.
Surround yourself with those who view your shattered parts as if they are the sharp edges in broken glass but know that without a smashed glass, you cannot see as much sparkle, you are not falling apart but there are just shards of glass in you that you cannot pull out. There is beauty even in the broken if you look beyond the surface.
There’s no smoke without fire, don’t light a cigarette if you won’t smoke it, that’s what you said but we set each other alight and it’s going to be a long time till we see the smoke rise up from cinders. Our cigarette will always go from my mouth to yours and refuses to be stamped out. I hope I don’t leave a burn because I would never want to leave a hurtful mark. But even if it does, I hope you always think of it as burning and filling a craving inside of you rather than just litter on the ground.
The moon shines brightly as a constant reminder of everything past and present. Everything painful from the past, everything I’m lucky to have now.
The moon, he looks happy and is as radiant as ever. Yet he isn’t whole. So I shouldn’t have to be either to reach my own potential. The stars are scattered around the moon as if their sparkling display their support for him. I think of my own support system, they also shine even if they are far away and i am relentlessly proud of them always no matter how strong their shimmer is.
The stars look close together yet they are millions of light years apart, similar to some of my past relationships and I think of all the people I’ve known, some of who I hope are up there with the stars now.
The moon is reflected in the water below and it’s shimmer puts a spotlight on the mountain’s peak up in front of me. It’s light and the eeriness makes me feel blessed to witness such a sight yet incredibly humble as I am just one piece of this incredibly vast universe.
I find a similarity with the moon in that the brightest version of me emerges at night with a glittering supporting cast around me. I always thought of the moon as mirror of the energy around it, absorbing from the ocean, stars and mountain peaks.
My gran always told me to pick a poison but that the key was to take it seriously.If you pick an alcohol, then you must pick red or white, never rose, vodka, gin, whiskey or rum but always straight.
If you pick a food, make sure it is rich, a strong smelly cheese, a 70% chocolate , a cake filled with cream to gorge on, none of that low fat rubbish.
If you choose to make it smoking, choose an old Cuban cigar, fragrant tobacco or proper cigarettes, none of that menthol shite.
Most importantly, if you choose to pick a person, then god help you but make sure you cannot breathe the same when they are around, just like smoking, ensure that you feel completely giddy around them like after a few vodkas, inhale them as if they are oxygen just like your favourite cheese.
My gran would hate today’s world with its 50/50 bread, free accumulators, but most of all the lovers that do not have the courage to be together, to give their hearts and create their own universe.
You see, if you let yourself indulge honestly and fully in that one poison, you will find your vice and it will never consume you. Your heart will be consumed fully but your head will realise that one is enough to keep your soul alive, let your heart choose but your head guide then you will know the extent of its existence and just how deep the venom is.
A face full of make-up, hair falling over my face. Heeled boots and a leather jacket. sarcastic remarks and fighting talk. Quietly watching, not giving much away. This is my armour and one layer will peel like an orange but the other takes a lot of work to force away, I just hope you stay to expose all of me.