|H O L D ON // L E T GO.

Hold on because we need you,
Hold on because the tumours haven’t wrapped themselves around all of you,
Hold on because there is so much we have left to do together, we could take a canoe and paddle out across a wide lake breathing in the fresh air admiring the trees along the way
Hold because they have so much growing to do that you will miss it if you don’t
Hold on because you were born with him, don’t leave him now prematurely,

Hold on because who is going to reason with her when we argue and be my hero in a hatchback?
Hold on because you’ve only been here half a century, you need to grow old with the love of your life,
Hold on because I will fill my wardrobe with so many more silly items of clothing for you to make fun of
Hold on because the candid shots you always insisted upon to my dismay are fashionable now,
Hold on because I need you to explain the whole family tree once again because I still can’t contemplate it,
Hold on because don’t you want to know what happens in Doctor Who or who wins Taskmaster?

Hold on please, keep inhaling and exhaling, there must be so much of you left, the disease cannot take all of you after a few months , it can’t, it just can’t…


Let go because it’s been two weeks since they told us your breaths were extremely limited and I expect the news everytime my phone rings,
Let go because those cells are growing and diminishing you, only amplifying your pain,
Let go and then you’ll be the first once again for the very last time,
Let go so I can remember you as tall and strong and fit and well not this small grey and yellow creature before me,
Let go because Brexit is happening and Trump is about to become President and that’s something you definitely want to miss,
Let go because everyday I see him getting angry at the smallest things: a car making a wrong turn, the wrong sandwich filling, his colleague mixing the wrong colours everything in his world seems wrong now,
Let go because your parents might need you up there, reunite with them, you’ll share something else with your mum now,
Let go because we have said goodbye with the world’s tightest hug, tears falling and mumbled I love yous,
Let go because you have given us all enough for us to go on with just your influence in our lives,
Let go because we are old enough to remember so much about you and we will be okay,

So take your last breath and don’t be scared, you have found your faith so trust in that. I guess they need you more than we do, we have had your time, we will look after each other and someday, we will see you once again in a much kinder light than the harsh glare of the hospital whiteness so eat your last fry up and sleep well, just know we look forward to seeing you once again.

Just let go and be free, rid yourself of your pain and discomfort safe in the knowledge that you lived a great life and that some of us see the world the way you did.

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