It’s your birthday today. 52. That’s how many candles you would be blowing out but he has to do it without you now. The first time ever and he won’t get to speak to you on the 14th April, a day you both shared together in some way for your entire lives. The anniversary of when you both entered this crazy planet, you first of course. Always did have to be the first, didn’t you? 

We all feel a little lost without you and I have missed you more than ever over the past few months, I want to talk to you about my job and the situation before. I miss you so much, it still hurts six months later. I  still tear up when I hear that song by ELO and it’s crazy because it’s one of the most upbeat songs. 

 You enriched my life and so I would have loved to show you that on today of all days. But you’ve gone hopefully to a better place, and I know it did it just after you left but I’m going to do the poem thing again. 

Please know that you’ve been in my thoughts all day and I hope you are spending it with the others who have left and who love and adore you wandering around blissful scenery. 

I’ll look after him and the rest for you, I promise. This day will never be the same for him and he doesn’t know how to feel. But we’ll toast you with a glass of red or scotch and I’ll wear some outfit that you can question or laugh at from up there. Yet your favourite shirt was yellow… and that is not a colour for everyone despite what Vogue is currently telling everyone.


Choose humanity <3

Today, humanity was seen in many acts of kindness around the world as it is everyday but today an extraordinary act of humanity was performed amongst the chaos of a horrendous and utterly horrific terrorist act in my favourite city in the world, London. Today, a terror attack took place in the heart of London, Westminster. A police officer amongst others was shot, in an unusual act, a Tory MP, Tobias Elwood performed CPR to try and save his life while doctors and nurses from local hospitals literally ran to the scene to offer help. In this kind of situation, we are reminded that while we all see the world differently, we all have difficult political and other beliefs, we can all pull together in times of trouble no matter our differences. And it is days like this where we need to hear stories like this the most. However, those that initiated this attack was also because of a difference of political belief so just as we are reminded that we can all pull together in this event, it is up to us to show that people with different views can still live side by side and create a world where difference occurs but is treated with respect and graciousness for each other and humanity.

We built buildings, we build bridges of grand design and yet, some of us still try to destroy them with guns, knives and bombs. In some parts of this world, people are fortunate enough to have this kind of event happen infrequently and for it to become a massive headline around the world featuring even it’s own #PrayFor however other parts are not so lucky and this is the norm. Everyday, they endure the pain of not knowing whether their loved ones are safe, whether their school will still be there or their once flourishing city will still be standing or under attack. Their governments are beyond corrupt and there are so many forced to fight for something they don’t believe in and then endure their own rebelling against them ripping cities apart with machine guns and explosions because of a greed and their narrow mindedness thinking everyone should observe a certain way of life yet only they can break the rules.

Did we learn nothing from the past? Our civil wars that tore countries apart, left bullet holes in buildings and one region wealthy but another in poverty? There is no equality where blood is shed, the victims go much further than the body that hits the ground.


So choose humanity and unite. Whether it’s London, Syria, Iraq or another country where people’s way of life is compromised because of a power trip by a certain few, keep them in your thoughts, count your blessings and do what you can to restore the faith of the human race. Too many innocent lives have paid for crimes they did not commit. Blame not one race or religion but those who believe taking away people’s freedom in such a manner is the right way to empower themselves.For, know that where there is just one act of kindness, it can inspire many and that is the humanity I choose to believe in, the version where love trumps hate, where people are inspired to fight for what they believe in.A world where humans see each other as just another soul trying to make their way through this crazy world instead of labelling them as something or judging them without really knowing them.

I want to live in a world where people can move freely through life from one place to another without it being questioned or searched as a result of their looks, religion, disabilities or sexuality.

The Earth we walk upon deserves better, our ancestors who fought for our freedom previously should be lessons in how nothing is ever solved by waging a war, blood is always shed, innocents are always affected. So stand for something more, treat those around you with respect and let’s show those miscreant few that we are better because we stand together as result of love and radiate peace amongst these godforsaken kingdoms.

Here is a link to the Syria appeal if you would like to offer support, be it in the form of monetary donation, raising awareness or volunteering your time.

Link to the Red Cross Syria appeal:


Reflections on Easter and Faith

Easter has come and gone this week and I had a lovely Easter break spending quality time with my family and ate a lot of chocolate. Easter, to me, is this, time spent with my family when we can all come together and hopefully get a few precious days off work to spend together. Although I have been brought up as a Christian, I class myself as having no religion at this point in my life. I went to church with my dad on Good Friday- if you ever want a Christian to admire- he is one to admire as he had his fair share of hard times yet is still a firm believer and I admire his faith although completely fail to share it. However, I tend to think of religion like I think of sexuality- it is not a choice, you either do believe in something or you don’t. You either have the faith in an intangible being or you don’t and for me, I am pretty sure that I don’t. I love the idea of believing in something so strongly but I just can’t.

Dad wanted me to go I guess because he wants me to believe in God and Jesus and share his faith. I obliged to make him happy and to share in something he likes as well. He has spent a good 20 years of his life sharing in mine but I also wanted to spend time with him. Now I am away at university, I don’t get to spend nearly as much time with my family as I would like.

During the service, the speaker kept talking about how amazing it was for God/Jesus to do something so selfless and to die for our sins which I mean, yeah is pretty incredible. However as I get older, I realise that the mistakes  or sins I make are mine and while others may be able to help rectify what I have done, I ultimately will pay the consequence.   And the truth is, I think I am ok with that. I don’t want Jesus to take blame for my ‘sins’- I mean obviously I sin, but truthfully, I don’t believe that all of the things noted in the bible are sins. I will never have an issue with homosexuality, sex before marriage or people getting drunk or high. Throughout the service all I thought was, I am usually quite aware of any consequences of my actions therefore I want to take blame for them all whether that means eternity in Hell or not because I want to really live my life. I feel that as long as I know that I have lived a good life now, that will be enough for my soul forever. We are unsure, no matter how solid our faith, there is no proof of what happens to us once we die and so I would like to make this life as meaningful and as outrageous and fun as possible because then at least I have done it once. I have properly lived for me, not for anyone else. I want to know that I have felt really alive during my time on this Earth and I am extremely fortunate to say that I have already had that feeling in several moments of my life where I feel grateful to be alive but it is more than that, a feeling of true elation, like life can’t get any better. (Yes I have been sober while it’s happened too.) You can die for someone (of course, I’d die for my dad if it came to that) but you can’t live your life for someone else just because it makes them happy even if you are choosing to make them happy then you are still living the way you want.

I figure that’s what these religions feel when they worship but I have found that in myself and that seems enough. However, if I do think about becoming religous once I have lived life my way and figured that there may be a better way once I’ve had my time. Religous people often come out with things such as how do you know you’re living right if you haven’t tried God’s way but equally if you haven’t tried to live by yourself, how can you be so convinced that God’s way is the right way? So maybe, once I’ve lived my way for a while and I decide to give religion another go, I feel that I should become knowledgeable about them all before making a decision about which one to follow particularly as we are so so lucky to live in a country that lets us be any religion we want without scarificing our life for it.

I have huge respect for everyone religous, agnostic or atheist and find them all equally interesting however this is my current stance on it.


Alexandra Shulman Has Spoken Out About Skinny Models on Vogue

Well done to Alexandra Shulman today after being interviewed on Radio 2 by Lily Allen and defending Vogue’s continuous decision to put airbrushed models and celebrities on the cover. It is after all what many people think although it is not supposed to be said as it is inpolitically correct.

I am a strong believer in this point and that those images of airbrushed perfection are part of the artistry and seductive appeal of a magazine. I don’t want to see the same kind of women that I would see in Starbucks in Vogue, it’s similar to the fact that I like the fact that all the pieces are so expensive and it rarely features pieces from Topshop that are accessible to everyone. I want to see that fantasy and I want to see it play up to the fantasy, I do not pay £4 for it to see ordinary people. Nobody ever asks cartoonists why their drawings are skinny or gamers why the women in their games are not more representative. As Shulman has said before, nobody reads Vogue or any magazine for that matter and decides to become anorexic. People may not like it however

Alexandra Shulman also raised controversy when she became editor of Vogue in 1992 because her looks was very different to that of her predecessors, compare her appearance with that of US Vogue editor who is also British, Anna Wintour. Therefore, Alexandra Shulman is very aware of the how the fashion industry is perceived by outsiders. Her comments should be taken positively and having been at the helm of Vogue for twenty-two years, I would imagine that if real women being on the cover did sell, she would know about it and would do it. You wouldn’t buy a magazine with expensive cars and gadgets in if you didn’t like the example of what was on the cover so reallly, the principle is simple and the same with fashion magazines.

Under no means would I ever say that fashion is conformist- look at the designers and what they look like and even the editors, these are the kids that made themselves cool. They were cool before cool was even a thing and recognised by everyone else. Therefore having skinny models is not something which to conform to but something which contributes to the fanatasy of fashion.